we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
