he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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