He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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