Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
