This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
