we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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