This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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