"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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