Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
