Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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