Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
