You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
