Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
