He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
