My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
