hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There's even glitter on my cock...
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