is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
vagina is talking i cant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
