its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
