Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
