Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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