It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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