Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
