Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
