I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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