Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
