I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
