Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
