you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
