dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
