Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
