guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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