So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
