I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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