The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
