i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
