You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
