you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
