So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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