I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
operation harelip BJ is a go
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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