look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
