Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
