Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
