I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
