I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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