I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
