U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
