Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
