Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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