when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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