Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
