I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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