As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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