the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
from now on my penis is your penis
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
