you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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