is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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