So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
