Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
