you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
